The Plague of Loneliness

Humans are fickle creatures.

We construct mass networks of friends, colleagues, associates, and peers. Empires of followers, friends, and buddies. Thousands of faces pass us on university campuses, school hallways, and offices.

With these legions of individuals, we expect them to be significant to our lives in some fashion. When we are dumped, we reach for someone. When a death of a loved one shatters our reality, we reach for someone. When we fail that test, we reach for someone. And when we just feel alone, we reach for someone.

Perhaps one of the greatest fallacies, or flaws in the human psyche is that we DO feel alone when surrounded by so many other humans. Haven't we all felt that gripping piercing stab of loneliness sitting in a classroom or at the summer barbecue, surrounded by others? Why?

The castles and kingdoms of friends and followers turn to sand when we reach for someone and no one is there. The towers of colleagues and acquaintances are rubble after a hard day and no one to talk to.

This is not about self pity.

This is a wake up call. A call to action.

Because while you, yes YOU, feel like you are happy and content with the people around you, someone is not. Someone is feeling down in the depths of despair without a soul around to hug them and say "It'll be alright. I'm here." Look around you. Open your eyes. Put down your cellular phones and go look people in the eyes. Is there light? Do they shine? No? Then sit them down and listen to them.

It may not be now, it may have been yesterday, or it might be next Thursday, that you are the person who just needs that friend to be there to listen. You might be the person who does the listening. It is a road that goes both ways. If you want to be listened to you better expect to do your share of listening. How dare you think of being so selfish to shove your problems down the ear canals of another, while not being so kind as to return the favour!

When your castles and kingdoms turn to sand, remember my words: Listen to your friends -- that is how you keep them.

When a fisherman throws his line into a body of water and doesn't pull out any fish, he must abandon that lake to find a source that is more rewarding of his efforts. The funny thing about life is that we are called on to be the lake and at times we also find ourselves as the fisherman.

Be true to your friends. Be deserving to be called a friend. Listen.

TSR

Day Four: Tuesday Triumphs. Birth of a Dream.

Good comics make everything so much better. I had the privilege of spending about an hour in the Times Square Midtown Comics location. No one to disrupt me, obviously there were people there but the conversation was enjoyable and simple. I am having trouble deciding whether or not I like Midtown or Amazing Stories better. Midtown is in New York and that makes it cool, I got some free stuff and their inventory was astounding. Amazing Stories on the other hand is my comic store. It made me who I am today. Without it I bet I would be some slacker punk pounding away on the drums, having never found his true purpose and calling in life. As I ascended the ridiculous amount of stairs, the aroma of comic pages and binding wafted down and into my nostrils. It was like being reborn, it was like opening a letter and the scent greets you before digesting the words.

That was a fun highlight of the day. Honestly, this has been the best day of the trip thus far. I am so comfortable in this city. I walked around on my own. Yeah! Little Saskatchewan boy Toben, out on his own in the Big Apple.

This lovely day started out at Linkedin. It amazes me how many Mormons are in influential places in big companies like this. It wasn't like the other companies where it was like "Hey, tell us about your company so we can check if we want to work for you." Kyle told us about how to properly utilize the service of Linkedin to find contacts and build our network. It was awesome! I feel like I have better understanding of how the whole thing works and will use it to my advantage.

Fun subnote about Linkedin, the company is in the freaking Empire State Building. I also realized last night that the building where Wilson Fisk works in in the 90's Spider-Man cartoon isn't the Empire State Building but the Chrysler Building.

Linkedin's adventure took us then to a small hole in the wall where Tumblr hides. Tumblr is the whole reason that I wanted to come to this trip. I love Tumblr. I think working for this company would be awesome. Evan, a spunky New Yorker, was our guide. EVERYONE USES MACS!! Yeah that confirmed that that is the fit for me. I love Macintosh products. Do people even know what I am talking about if I saw Macintosh? Whatever. That visit was the best. Some snacks, good conversation and a really fun internship program. They will definitely be getting an application from me.

Even the aesthetic of the building is awesome! The brick walls, wooden floor like the floors of my sisters' apartments in Saskatoon. Gosh, such a creative space.

Tumblr was followed up with a visit to Kobalt Music. Now, if readers are not familiar with the mission and goal of Kobalt, go read about them. They are doing amazing things for the music industry. As I listened to Ryan speak to us, I kept thinking, "This is the Image Comics of the music industry!" Seriously, it is. I was so impressed with it. Ryan is a boss also. He basically made Britney Spears, The Backstreet Boys, and N-Sync who they were/are? are they still anything?

I was able to share my passions with him about how music is an intimate experience and the process of creation is so surreal and again, intimate. It was a fun little interview, I was really nervous and probably didn't do such a great job with expressing myself. However, I gave him a business and told him I'd love to talk more. He even liked the Sweet Pork Comic cards. Hell yeah.

Contently. This place was awesome as well! Like I said, every place we went to today was on point. Contently is a fun little place that helps writers and journalists be hooked up with bigger companies for free-lance work.

The atmosphere is that place was absolutely great. I really loved it. Again, brick walls, wooden floors. We sat down the HR chief, Founder, and digital content manager...I think, I don't fully remember what he did. Talking to someone who has a startup that has grown the way contently has in the past 2 years is amazing. Gives me so much hope for the dreams that I have.

We came home, tried to find show tickets, go bueno. I then went on my adventure to Midtown Comics. Came home to network and set up my own contently.

Life is good my friends. The Lord loves us all.
Cheers.
TSR

Day Three: Monday Memories, This is the Future.

New York is a different beast Monday morning. The subways are packed with commuters and the standard fare of passengers. I was arranged in my suit with my finance blue shirt and my Dominican paisley tie from the stylish Brumm. I was on top of the world. The weather was calm and under control for a while.

The day kicked off with a meeting to Bloomberg. This place is MASSIVE. It was like walking into a top secret spy division of the government. These places have amazing security. We were given badges and headed up to meet our tour guide, Nick. Now, I know nothing about finance. I get money, I spend money. That is about it. Even with that knowledge, I would work for this place. It is amazing. I cannot tell you anything about what they do, but I want to be a part of it. They have free snacks. They have amazing technology. And they have free snacks.

From there we walked over to Central Park to eat nuts with the birds. It was already a sunny day by that point and the sweat was gushing out of every pit. That area of the city is very different. It is calm, very active, but in a different way. There are a lot of people but no one is in a hurry. Lovely.

The stop of the day for me was Random House. I feel the need to explain my distaste for novels. I cannot read them. I did make it through that small batch of David Eddings novels around Christmas, though I have never been able to continue the series. I prefer the reading experience of the comic book. Therefore, I wasn't expecting a whole lot from my meeting at Random House. Shauna Summers, Scott Shannon, and Benjamin Dreyer, met with us and we talked for about an hour. It was awesome. The publishing world was so cool! There are so many cool avenues and little niches that one can fit into. Scott is the Senior Vice President of Digital. The strategies and techniques they use in their digital markets are amazing to me.

They explained something really interesting to me, something that has calmed my heart about the comic book industry. They explained that printing has kind of a fixed price meaning, whether you are printing an order of 25k or 50k the price difference isn't going to be that much because when you start the machine, the cost is basically the same. It isn't necessarily the size of the printing as the printing itself that is costly. Do you understand? If you print X it will cost Y. And if you print 2X it will cost 1.2Y it is a very small margin of increase for a larger printing if you are going to print at all. I hope that is understandable.

They gave us some books and we had a delicious meal in their cafeteria, the first taste of vegetables in a long while.

Y&R is a separate beast. I don't have enough energy at this moment to fully express how excited I am to try and gain an internship there. There are so many platforms ones can use their creativity to help with and this is definitely one of them. They are an advertising firm for brands like Campbell and Wendy's. Yeah I want to work there.

Some down time meant a nap on the floor and some comic idea note jotting. We took forever to meet with an employee of Harper Collins and then finally back to the hotel.

I rested and ate some licorice. The goal for the night was the Brooklyn bridge. We tracked down Nathan's hot dogs, I mistakenly order a philly cheesesteak (I thought it would be a phiily cheesesteak over a hot dog, it wasn't). Then we trekked to Brooklyn and walked the massive bridge. Following that lengthy expedition we went for cheesecake and then I did homework.

My eyes fit the impulse to close, for some reason this lobby is growing in brightness. Maybe I am dying. I'm not sure. Either way, I am done here. Until tomorrow loyal readers. Thank you.

Day Two: Adventures in Little Italy

One of the biggest advantages to walking around the huge city and packed streets. It is really stimulating for the brain. New comic and story ideas flowing in through the nonexistent ether all around. Maybe it is the mix of culture, maybe it is the smell; it does smell like the Dominican Republic; the smell that influenced so many of my past comic ideas. Who knows. Either way day two was more exciting than day one. And I have pictures to prove it.

We woke early and I shaved with one of the crappiest razors I have ever used in my life. Felt good. I got into my new suit, laced up my fancy shoes and headed out to get me some breakfast. I felt like a real New Yorker will nothing to lose and everything to gain. The mere fact that I was in a suit in New York made me feel invincible. And for a while, I was.

The first stop today was the Today Show, kinda, it was the ABC studio near Columbus St. It was amazing. We were there for their whole broadcast. Fun fact, it now takes about 5 people to make an hour long news broadcast. 3 talent, 1 floor manager, and 1 director; who is in a different building on a different floor. Isn't that fun! Amy Freeze is a really awesome person. It was inspiring to hear how she climbed, struggled, and succeeded to where she is now. She kept the gospel as the central focus of her and her family's life and it paid off. Love it.

Finally, we ate pizza. Legit, new york, made by italians, pizza. Woo dang. It was great!

We moseyed over to Central Park and strolled in the heat of the day before church. It was so hot. It was like being back in the Dominican Republic but packed into a suit and shoved into direct sunlight. It wasn't very nice but at the same time it was. I conversed with some designers at church, all interns. Literally, literally, almost literally, the whole ward is made up of interns, at least those in priesthood. Our priesthood teacher portrayed Joseph Smith a few times and also another significant prophet. Cool.

The latter hours of the day were spent as follows, calling my mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. Walking and subwaying over to Canal St. We walked through Chinatown dodging vendors and made our way into Little Italy. That whole section reminded me of being in the DR also. I was even able to do the finger wag to reject their offers. Love it.

Little Italy is a place I could find sanctuary in. The whole atmosphere gushes with love and appreciation. Everyone is there because they love good food and the people they get to share it with. We went to Sofia's. Portion sizes were too small, though paying almost 200 for one check was massively impressive and a memory that I will recount often. Gelato for dessert and off for some bizarre subway debacles. We got locked out, the subway has a security where you cannot go back onto a platform after charging your card and going through the bars. Thus, we were stuck outside of one, in desperate fear we would miss our train. We didn't we waited about an hour before making alternative plans. The whole idea for tonight was to take the Statin Island ferry to go past the Statue of Liberty. Well there was a schism in the ground and two ladies and myself took a train downtown. This took us across a massive bridge and right into Brooklyn. A kind stranger got us on track and we headed back to time square all safe.

Everything ends well. With this post coming to a close it means that I can return to my room and read comics until I fall asleep. I can barely keep my eyes open. There is so much stimulation in a day I can hardly keep myself together.

The real highpoint of the day, going to church on temple grounds. This may be considered cheating since we were under the temple, but hey, it was an amazing sabbath day. Hot, fun, adventurous, and full of friends and great food. I cannot complain. Now let these pictures increase your jealousy as you heat up water to make your Kraft Dinner.

 

Day One: NYC Trip Sat May 9th.

Since the packing restrictions of the trip made it impossible for me to bring a journal I decided to use these blog posts to be the daily journal entries I take here in the Big Apple and a legit blog entry about my experience in one of the biggest cities in the world.

My day started out extremely early, 5 am, with a trip to the IF airport. I was groggy and not personable with the other car guests and took to looking out the window. My actions for due to fifty percent lack of sleep and fifty percent anticipation for what is to come, when there is a big event about to happen I retreat into my shell.

The first flight went well. I pondered the words of Stephen King’s On Writing until the fatigue of the early morning took me to sleep. A quick race through the Denver airport saw me to the gate of my 4 hour flight to NYC. For this flight I again chose the words of Stephen King. Unfortunately, there was some hideous turbulence that did a number on my stomach. I sat there, beads of sweat forming on my brow. I thought, “I’m going to hurl. I’m going to hurl. What am I going to hurl I haven’t eaten anything.”

The flight smoothed and I was able to return to Mr. King for a short while. His words about my writing toolbox were engaging and enlightening. The only thing besides the obligatory tasks for college credit that I write prose for is this blog. Enjoy. I learned many things before shutting the book and returning to the grand masterpiece, East of West. A thorough read through of the entire published works made me think about plot and how slowly dosing out the helpings can be so satisfying while coming back to the table for around feast.

Finally, the sound of the land gear engaging called my attention to the open window for me to see the lovely industrial areas of North Queens. After waiting for 2 hours for transportation, we spent an hour in traffic getting to our hotel. What a magnificent hotel it is. I have never seen anything like it. In small circular groups, like the magazine of a revolver, the elevators wait to be called. One enters the floor into a keypad and the keypad responds with which elevator needs to be used to arrive at the desired floor. Brilliance.

After dumping luggage in the hotel room the next task was to find vitals to fill our stomachs. To the street! Now, I love food. I love any kind from any culture (I once are blood sausage in complete darkness during my time in the Dominican Republic, and it wasn’t half bad. Could have used ketchup. And it could have been hot. And maybe some salt. And it would have tasted better if it were my dad’s meatloaf. But I ate the dang thing and it increased my iron level so thus I am grateful. I have heard rants and ravings about the quality of the New York “Street Meat” and I must say, after tonight’s encounter with it, I must be in the wrong part of New York. I don’t agree with the idea of paying $4 for a hot dog. I could each seven and my dad’s taste 100 times better than this guy’s. Thus, the quest for good “Street Meat” continues.

The main lesson for the day was how to use the subway. Our guide, Brother Holt, took us on a full tour. We bought metrocards, got maps and rode around in a few to understand how they work. It was amazing!

Now, I love traveling. I don’t do it often because it is expensive, that is my main complaint. However, enjoying the cultures and customs of a foreign land is one of my favourite things. I do not understand why people travel to foreign places and expect these locations to be perfect. Yeah New York is dirty, because 8.4 MILLION people live there. Yeah the subway is hot and kinda stinky cause it is underground! People, enjoy what is around you. Maybe it is the fact I spent 8 months using a bucket to pour freezing water over my head to wash my body in Puerto Plata that I can walk through a subway and think it looks pretty good. I did was my hands quite thoroughly upon arriving home. I won’t let these people’s high attitude and regard for cleanliness ruin my trip.

Here are the amazing things I saw tonight:

Empire State Building

Rockafeller Center

Grand Central Station

Macy’s

Time Square

Madison Square Garden

Jake Gyllenhaal (not so amazing, but a celebrity nonetheless)

The adventure is just getting started and by golly and I excited to keep digging into this city. The fast pace and noise of it all reminds me of my glory days in the DR. Maybe I’ve been a big city person all my life and never realized that in the Podunk areas of Saskatchewan. NYC is a busier more congested Toronto or Ottawa, both of which I prefer thus far, but I have a sweet spot for my home and native land.

A Closed Door

Last night something familiar happened. I came home and the door to the apartment was locked. No one was home. I didn't have my keys. The night was cold and the wind was sharp. No shelter was found in the lounge, people were watching a movie, and another group was studying in the kitchen area. I walked one loop around the complex before resigning to my fate that I would have to sit on the cold stone by the fire. The brick was hard and chilly. The fire kept my feet warm but did not spread heat to the rest of my body. I was alone, I was cold, I was locked out.

As I peered behind me at every noise hoping it was a roommate with a key to let me in, a thought entered my head.

"This is how it would feel to be denied at the door to the Celestial Kingdom."

I sat stunned. The power of this realization pounded my heart and squeezed my stomach. What if I was rejected from entering back into Heavenly Father's presence? Since I was not going to be doing anything out in the cold, I took the time to reflect on how I felt and the emotion that was flowing through me.

The cold didn't just enter my body it entered my spirit. What a distressing, chilling, and agonizing feeling. To be blocked from returning to live with your family, how terrible! How truly, truly terrible. The sad thing, the thing that really sunk this all home, is that I didn't know when people would be home to let me in. Time inched by without any indication of when my suffering would end. I was literally left in the dark.

I was left in the cold, to ponder my error of not bringing my keys. Yet, as I pondered, other errors and short comings in my life started to come to mind, things I need to fix. Things that need to be corrected in order for me to enter the door to where Heavenly Father is.

This real experience illustrated something that I really needed to learn. A locked door like the virgins without oil. Am I lacking oil? Will I miss the Bridgegroom? Will I knock and knock only to be told that He does not know me?

Faith to overcome fear allows individuals to make necessary changes by trusting in the Lord and his atonement. Through that, human nature is altered and drawn closer to His example. We can make the changes necessary to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Don't let a locked door stand between you and the comfort and safety of where you really want to be. Whether is be a warm bed, or an eternity with your family in the Kingdom of God.

Success: The Middle Finger to Oppression

I was asked today, "How famous do you want to be?"

How does one answer that? Those of fame and fortune in the spotlight stumble and fall only to have the wolves crawl over their bodies picking their bones clean. That isn't fame. Perhaps fame, but not success. Fame is then what, the praise of man? Recognition on the street or in a mall? Fame is not to be desired, fame is the elevator that when entered, ascends to a certain height, to snap and plummet. Why would anyone want to be famous? Bono said once, "There must be something wrong if a person needs a stadium full of people yelling their name to feel loved and alive."

Hopes and dreams are fickle threads that catch fire. No matter how resolved, how determined a person is, the casting down, shredding, cynicism, jealousy, and plain old being a dick sets flame to dreams. Like those high school jocks destroying our dream to play music. The mere mentioning of something above working at a fast food chain brings ridicule and distain.

People hate to see others succeed. Why should someone climb out of the swamp when the rest of the snakes and toads are stuck in the mud. If we escape it is because we are stronger, more persistent, and thankfully have been able to develop a resolve when others have merely dissolved. A town is drenched in a aura of damnation for no one can ever rise above the prejudices and norms that have been established throughout the past decades. Generations of alcoholics, drug abuse, and selfish consumerism locked the gate and barred the escape.

The secret to life is not fame. Fame can be taken away, fame is squandered by the fickle and the weak.

Success. Success is the key to unlock any door, any gate, any obstacle that stands in the way of further achievements. Success does not mean a stuffed bank account or a garage full of Bugattis. No, success comes from within. Success in and of itself is what drives you to see the vivid visualization of your dreams become a tangible thing you can hold in your hands or behold with your eyes. As success expands, the very desire of pursuit will lead to action. Revolutions will not just be started from war rooms, but in high school English classes, the playground, a library, a college dorm room, the office cubicle of an accountant who doesn't want to balance numbers for someone else.

Examine your life. What are you doing? What do you want to do? Why aren't you doing it now?

The gate was locked to me for so long. People shut doors and locked me in. Unique ideas were not wanted. The standardization of school meant that we were trained and reprogrammed to be robots. Imagination. Remember that? I bet very few of us do. Creation, imagination, and expression were done away with. Everyone loves reading these stories about dystopia societies. Open your eyes, we are living in one.

So what do we do? How do we escape the grey and find a place to build?

Keep fighting. Don't give up on yourself. YOU have the power to create anything. Whatever vision or image you see in your head of what you want to be or what you want to exist, hold onto it, cling to it when those forces of oppression come knocking. Don't give up on your dreams. Let them be the fuel that burns within you, motivating you, guiding you, inspiring you, and encouraging you to do better.

The feeling of breaking water and taking the first breath after so long below the surface is so close. If you haven't enjoyed it yet, don't give up. Never give up. Keep chasing that horizon. Build, create, inspire, develop, design, write, paint, sculpt, let whatever inside of you become the reality you always wanted.

Don't ever settle for anything other than what you've always wanted.

TSR